Karen Grace Soans
To drink the cup of matrescence
(CW: curse words)
Postpartum
and bare berried
like fruit without skin
soft fruit without my costume
precarious to harsh tunes
be gentle
my insides
are still on the birthing table
and I will dismember if you poke me.
I trip
over postpartum hairs
and crooked stares
misguided advice
but I’m too nice
to interrupt
and scream
shut the f*ck up!
Trust
maternal instincts
lower fatigued breasts
between infant lips
forget to remember
the brain writes
and overwrites
to ensure you survive.
I look
down
at your sweet suckling smile
yearning
to hold this moment
like breath in my lungs
but
we were built to exhale.
To fall asleep in the ocean
(CW: trauma, disordered eating)
swimming in salt
this wounded body
refuses to heal
trusting the tides
to sing forgetful lullabies
but we keep landing
on Normandy
thought I was pregnant
at sixteen
but it was just my hunger
skin skin
cling cling
to beautiful bones
depressed mice
do not tread water
for long
harvesting songs
bittersweet
to sell like cotton candy
eat my wounds
till I am weathered
to a quanta of soul
with no stories to grieve
like sand finally finding
my place on eternal shores.
Karen is an Indian scientist and aspiring writer living in Germany. She has a PhD in cell biology and uses the instagram handle @doodlinscientist to share her digital art documenting the highs and lows of experiment and discovery. Her poems explore themes of childhood, anxiety, faith and most recently – motherhood. She received her first publication in Nightshade Lit Mag.